Solipsism

Recently I watched Actualized.org’s video on solipsism.

What he explained reminds me of the many times I got high on marijuana. Even sober, both being sober and high I had many occurences of being ‘god’ or god.

For example, it’d manifest through sound. I remember getting really high on weed, going to the bathroom, and staring at my cell phone. Right in that moment, my grandma was playing ‘Kiss me through the phone’ by Soulja Boy.

Or after that, I remember walking through my neighborhood with an airsoft gun in my pocket. I was deliberately thinking that I wanted my neighborhood to leave me alone and I was establishing my dominance (I have a history with my neighbors).

I remember thinking to myself how if anyone threatens me in that moment, I will scare them off with my airsoft gun. Then I glanced through one house’s window and i’m not 100% sure, but I saw blood everywhere, or atleast the color red all through the house. I thought people got murdered there.

Or the time I got high in my bedroom for the first time in forever, and finally I was zoned out and out of reality. Right in that moment, what do you know, my brother comes rushing to my room needing help. Right at the one time I finally had a break from reality and my problems.

Or in 2021 when I rhode my bike 3 miles to the gym, worked out an hour, and three miles back, and decided I needed a grand reward for that. I got high, laid on my bed, got paranoid, then went to another world. In that moment, I heard neighbors shit talking me so loud as if they were outside my window, talking about how i’m a pervert, etc.

How does this all relate? Well, the solipsism video explained how everyone is god. How everything in life has seemed to revolve/ be around ‘you’. And that that’s no accident. It’s proof you’re god. Essentially it’s because, you can only think through your own brain, experience life through your only singular consciousness, etc.

This whole thing has caused me to lose my mind. I’ve talked about this before, but I particularly experience this with sounds. I’ll be in public and accidentally check out a woman and be embarassed and hear a slightly distinguishable sound in the background say “He just looked at me” or “he’s a pervert”. This shit happens day in and out. It could be about what i’m saying, what i’m looking at, anything.

So then I got to wondering, sometimes, how do people even know what i’m doing? Especially alone or where no one can see/hear me? So then I got to the conclusion that i’m god. I am hallucinating these voices. I am actively playing tricks with my inner dialogue and sounds around me to make believe as if people are talking about me, because I like attention.

It’s just, I don’t really remember all i’m talking about here. So, what happens, is everyday I get confused and scared when this happens (people narrating what i’m doing). I feel so alone with this problem too.

You might say i’m obsessed with power or being the main character or feeling special. In that case, how come when i’m dead quiet, making no noise, and am not thinking or doing anything, do I hear these voices? When I actively try to be normal and not draw attention to myself, I hear voices about that too?

Anyways, that’s my tangent. Solipsism learning has made me feel a little better about these voices going on. More on that, Leo from Actualized said that life is a dream. That god, the creator of this infinite dream (the world, infinite space, etc) made this dream so believable by creating infinite possiblities, materialism, etc, to the point where people are so hypnotized by the dream due to infinite stimulus, that they never truly wake up (awakening).

Plus that, on an absolute objective level, even though technically there’s no point to life, because it’s all an illusion and hallucination, you might as well buy into the illusion, cause there’s nothing else to do. Stuff like make money, have a family, retire, enjoy everything, etc.

Also that god made you, the viewer, and me, an infinite mind and infinite consciousness. That when you die, you stay right there and become infinite consciousness, whatever that means. Plus that you, who is the ‘main character’ (god) have an infinite mind, and to you, all other beings have ‘finite minds’.

Leo also says that realizing you are the only person in existence (because you can only experience life through your only singular eyes and consciousness (you, the viewer of this)) is human nature. That being selfish is the true human experience and anyone pretending to be selfless is denying their true nature.

Also Leo says that being human is constantly pretending to go back and forth from being god and not being god. Back and forth from being known as god in your experience and being no one. That’s why Jesus said we’re all god in disguise. We all pretend to be average humans, but deep down, we’re god. We affect the whole universe. So, I guess the ‘awakened’ ones are able to realize they’re god and slip in and out of that consciousness and power.

This can’t really be explained in words. You just need to understand the foundation and how to test this for yourself.

So yeah, weird stuff, if anyone experiences this mystical experience where it seems you are the main character, people narrate your life, and life gets weird, leave a comment, thanks.

-Velox